


The Ocean

by PlacentaMilk



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Annie and mikasa are a thing, Anyways, Armin is dating jean since marco is dead, Dont read it unless you wanna be sad, Erens depressed because, I like writing depressed Eren because depressed Eren, Is essentially me, Multi, The ending is a bit rushed but you know, There might be some mistakes, This is really sad, i almost cried, idk - Freeform, its sad, why not, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 03:53:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5897272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlacentaMilk/pseuds/PlacentaMilk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Eren’s become depressed over the past three years of fighting Titans and now all Titans are dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ocean

**Author's Note:**

> Annie was never a Titan in the au but everybody who died in the anime is dead in here. Eren is now 18 and Levi is 29.

Scout Regiment members are cleaning up their rooms, packing up their things. People are carrying crates full of personal items out the door and putting the crates in carriages that are here to take people home, wherever that might be.

There are members standing around, chatting and crying.

It's the end of the Scouting Regiment.

Eren stands alone by his desk in the basement, fixing his 3D maneuver gear for the last time.

He never moved out of the cold and dark basement. It's become his home, and now he has to leave.

He still thinks about it. He thinks about it all the time, especially now as he stares at the sharp blade that's sitting on his desk.

He puts down his 3DMG and picks up the blade, stares at it longingly.

He said he was going to exterminate all of the Titans, right? Then why is he still here?

They regained Wall Maria last year. Eren has no idea as to what they found in his father's basement, but whatever it was, it helped them kill the last of the Titans.

(There are probably still Titans, just in different continents, Eren thinks.)

They don't need him anymore. Especially now that the higher ups are shutting down the Scout Regiment. He's retired his use to humanity.

He's constantly torn between killing himself and living on. He just doesn't want to _feel_ anymore, but every time he thinks about all the reasons why he should kill himself, he thinks of all the reasons why he can't, too.

He promised Armin, a distant time ago, that he'd see the ocean with him. There's also Mikasa. She'd probably kill herself if Eren committed suicide. He's made so many promises, and he's made so many friends. He's even friends with Jean now.

"Oi, Eren"

There's also Corporal Levi.

Well, just Levi now, Eren supposes.

Eren turns around and sees Levi standing at the door. "Hi." Eren says, quietly.

Levi's never known about Erens depression. He's always had suspicions and Erens pretty sure he's seen the cuts on Erens thighs once or twice, but he's never known.

Eren puts the blade down on his desk and walks over to Levi, hugs him.

Erens grown taller over the past three years, so he has to hunch over a bit (who's he kidding, he's always had to hunch over for Levi) to hug him. Levi stand on his toes, wraps his arms around Erens neck and sighs, mumbles "We made it" into Erens ear.

Eren squeezes Levi just a bit, says "I suppose we did."

Levi's grown softer with Eren throughout the years, less violence, less harsh words. More open with Eren than anybody else. More than Erwin or Hanji.

"Im so grateful that you never turned on humanity. I wouldn't have been able to kill you." Levi says quietly, always quiet when he confesses things to Eren.

They let go of each other, still in each others personal space. Eren smiles from Levi's confession. "You're humanity's strongest. How could I turn on you?" He says.

Levi smiles just a little bit and walks around Eren and over to his desk, saying "More like humanity's oldest" on his way over there.

Erens not worried or anything, walks over to his bed that's pushed up in the corner, sits down and watches as Levi runs his fingers over Erens gear.

Levi's cleanliness has rubbed off on Eren more than anything else, so there's no dust or dirt anywhere.

Levi always praises Eren on it.

"Good job on cleaning" Levi says, stares at the sword for a moment and then turns around, walks over to Eren and sits down beside him. Then he lies down and stares at Eren until Eren does the same.

"Heichou-"

"There's no need to call me that anymore" Levi automatically interrupts. "You'll always be Heichou or Captain or Corporal to me. But if you want me to stop, I will." Eren says, his eyes wide and earnest like they always are.

Levi makes no comment, just stares at Eren and moves a little closer, hooking his leg over Erens hip, so Eren continues with his sentence.

"I can't believe I've never asked but what about your Mom?" Eren asks and throws his arm over Levi's waist.

"What about her?" Levi asks, never looking away from Erens face.

"Is she still alive? Are you going to go back to her since the Scout Regiment is over?" Eren asks. Levi's silent for a moment, then laughs.

It shocks Eren because whoa, Levi's only laughed a couple of times before in the whole time Erens known him.

"No" Levi says after he's done laughing, says "She died a long time ago. Even if she was alive, I can't believe you'd think that I'm going anywhere without you."

 _This_ is why Eren can't kill himself.

Even if Mikasa stopped talking to him, even if Armin hated him, even if all of his other friends left, he could always count on Levi.

He has to be there for Levi.

"What would you do without me" Eren says, and it sounds like he's teasing but he wouldn't be mad if Levi decided to tell him the answer, because it's a question he wants to know, but too scared of asking.

Levi just rolls his eyes and pushes Eren away from him and sits up. "Get your shit packed" Levi says.

Eren sits up and pouts, watches Levi stand up.

Before Levi leaves, he grabs Eren by the collar and bends over, kisses him softly despite how hard he's gripping Erens shirt.

Eren melts into it, always does, kisses Levi back with passion as he always does.

***

Eren comes out of his basement with a bag full of clothes on his shoulder and a crate. The crate isn’t full of much, full of a couple of Levi’s favorite books (his favorites now as well), his own journals old and new, a couple pens and pencils and a blanket.

He runs into Mikasa and Armin on the way to the dining hall and smiles, says “So. What now?”

Armin’s blue eyes are already bright, he already has the idea in mind, and if Eren could, he’d smile wider. “The ocean” Armin says.

Eren nods, says “Fuck yeah the ocean.”

“Im coming along too” Annie says as she slides up next to Mikasa, leans on her. “Yeah, of course” Eren says, looks back at Armin.

“I assume you’re bringing Jean?” Eren asks, because he knows that they’re dating. Armin nods, says “Yeah, just like I assume you're bringing Levi?”

It makes Eren blush, of course, always happy with the fact that Levi is his. “If he wants to, of course” he says, because he knows that there’s always the possibility that Levi might not want to go.

Eren hasn’t brought up the Ocean with Levi yet. He’s too scared to, despite what Levi said earlier.

“What are you talking about, my angry baby titan and my cinnamon roll?” Hanji says as she walks up to them, throws both of her arms over Erens and Armin shoulders.

_Angry baby titan? Cinnamon roll?_

“Ahh, Eren you’re getting so tall, stop” Hanji says, then pays attention to what Armin is saying. “We don’t have any where to go, considering all our parents were killed, so we’re travelling to the Ocean.” Armin says, all bright eyed.

“The Ocean? I’ve heard all sorts of things about that! Can I come?” Hanji asks. Armin nods and Hanji cheers, says she’ll meet them in the front after she’s done packing her stuff and talking to Erwin and other people.

They all watch her skip down the hallway with smiles on their faces. They really love Hanji.

“Goodbye, mom” Annie says, which confuses Eren greatly because didn’t Annie’s mom die? He doesn’t know. He’s been forgetting allot for that past half of the year. “She’s your mom?” Eren asks, confusedly.

Annie rolls her eyes, says “Still slow as ever, Jaeger. No, she’s not. If anything, she’s Sasha’s mom. Or aunt. They look a like and are both crazy.”

Armin protests, saying “Hey! They’re not crazy! Hanji’s crazy about Titans and Sasha’s crazy about food.”

“Hey, why doesn’t Sasha come with us?” Eren asks. Wasn’t Sasha talking about how she has no idea where she’s gonna go the other week? “She’s dating Connie. They’ve decided to go off together.” Mikasa speaks up. Eren just nods.

***  
Eren sits outside, T-Shirt on instead of the usual long sleeve. It’s a bit hot today.

There’s lots of things going through his mind. How will they get to the Ocean? Who else is Armin adding to the group? How are they going to survive? What about food and water? Most importantly, what is Levi gonna say about this?

“Hey, brat.”

Speaking of the Devil.

Levi sits down next to Eren, looks at him. “I heard you’re going to the Ocean.”

 _Fuck_.

“I was going-“ “You were going to tell me, yeah yeah, I get it, okay? Let me guess, you were also going to tell me that this isn’t working out for you.”

Eren looks over at Levi, wide eyed and bewildered. “What? Levi, no. I was going to-“

“Listen, you don’t have to tell me, I get it, okay?” Levi says, then gets up. “You don’t have to speak anymore.”

Eren gets up himself, tries to speak again but Levi just cuts him off again and starts walking away.

“Levi, if you would just _listen_ ” Eren says, then reaches for Levi’s wrist, grabs it and pulls Levi back so Levi’s facing him. “Fucking stupid, is what you are. I was planning on going, yes, I made a promise to Armin years ago. I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me, but I’ve been too scared to. If you didn’t want to go, then I would’ve said okay and gone wherever you wanted me to.” Eren says, never letting go of Levi.

“…What if I wanted you to go with them?” Levi asks, eyes still narrowed, guarded. “I would’ve said no.” Eren answers straight away, then continues “You’re what’s important to me. I want to go where you want to go, okay?” Eren finishes a bit more quietly, because they’re outside and there’s people around and Levi isn’t quite okay with things like this being said in front of other people.

“Okay?” Eren asks again, even quieter, when Levi doesn’t reply. Levi then sighs and nods, relaxes.

  
“Who else is coming?” Levi asks and Eren releases his wrist. “Uh.. Armin and Mikasa, which means Jean and Annie are coming. I don’t know who else. Hanji is coming.” Eren says.

Levi nods and then grabs Erens chin, kisses Erens cheek. “Sorry.” Is all he says before he heading off again.

***  
“Are we all ready to go?” Armin says as he skips out of the building. Eren nods from his place on the stairs, says “I got the horses all ready. I also got us an extra carriage, so we could put all our stuff in there.” And he gets up.

Armin cheers and walks down the steps, and the whole gang starts loading there stuff onto the carriage.

“Im gonna go find Levi and then make sure I got everything from my room, alright?” Eren says, stretches. Hanji nods, says she’ll get his stuff loaded into the carriage and that he doesn’t have to worry.

He walks back up the stairs and into the building, sees Ymir and Christa and goes over to them. “Hey guys, have you seen Levi?” Eren asks.

“Yeah, actually, did something happen between you two? Levi was with this other guy that we’ve never seen around here before. They looked close.” Ymir says, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall. “Ymir! It’s probably nothing Eren, I wouldn’t worry. They were heading towards the kitchen last we saw.” Christa says, smiles and waves as Eren leaves.

What guy are they talking about?

Eren hurries to find them, desperately hopes that what Ymir was implying wasn’t true.

He doesn’t find Levi anywhere, so he decides to check in Levi’s room, in every other room. He even checked in the basement. Then he decides he’ll just ask Erwin. Time is running out and he needs to know Levi’s answer.

He opens the door to Erwin’s room and automatically sees some guy shirtless and in a… Fedora… standing over Levi who’s sitting in a chair.

Levi groans, says “What do you _want_ , Erwin. Im busy here.”

It looks very much like Ymir said.

When Levi doesn’t get and answer, he turns back to look and sees Eren, then groans.

Eren didn’t know he was _that_ unwanted. He decides to shut the door and walk away from it, back down to the basement.

He did forget something.

Thoughts are running a thousand miles per second in his head, like he knew he wasn’t good enough, he knew that Levi would get tired of a kid sooner or later, he’s just a burden, why can’t he do anything right.

He lifts the mattress up when he gets down to the basement and reaches under there, keeps reaching until he feels cool metal touch his finger tips.

He grabs the razor and stands up, immediately puts it in his back pocket. It’s not the right time to have it out.

He walks back up the stairs, can’t hear Levi’s foot steps or his voice, so he kind of knows that he isn’t wanted and that he probably never was.

He’s not thinking correctly, but that’s what having a mental disorder does to you.

He then walks out and joins Armin and everybody else, smiling, saying “No, Levi isn’t coming” and pretending like everything’s fine. He just wishes that they would hurry up.

They should’ve finished already.

Levi comes out of the building a minute later, looking anything but neat like he usually is. Eren groans and immediately puts Hanji in front of him, creating a barrier.

“Eren you totally read that situation wrong. I wasn’t doing anything.” Levi says, and Hanji immediately jumps in. “What does that mean? What did you do to my baby titan?” She demands, and Eren doesn’t have to hold her in front of him anymore. She willingly stands there, not letting Levi touch Eren.

Armin and Mikasa pick up on the situation just as quickly as everyone else and they stand by Hanji, Armin pulling Eren off to the side asking if he’s okay even if he doesn’t completely understand the situation, everybody else creating a barrier between the two.

Jean jumps in eventually too, asking what Levi did. Erens not really paying attention, just focuses on Armin.

He’s being over dramatic.

“Can we just hurry up and go, Armin?” Eren mumbles, looking down at the ground, having a strong urge to run away. He almost does.

“Yeah, come help me load the rest of the crates into the carriage, alright? Then we can go” Armin says and walks over to the carriage, Eren follows.

They load the rest of the crates in and shut the door. It’s gotten quiet, where Levi and everybody else stands, but Eren doesn’t dare look that way.

Not until Hanji squeals.

Suddenly he's being turned around and Levi’s talking fast, saying “He got his shirt dirty with a drink so we washed it and that’s why he was shirtless and I was trying to buy something without everyone knowing please forgive me you big brat” and then Levi’s kissing the life out of him.

***  
It gets harder and harder to remember things, and he has crippling pains sometimes and he has to be sitting on the carriage but no matter how much he forgets, he never forgets Levi.

Hanji says she thinks he has cancer, and when Levi hears this he holds Eren all night and cries. It’s the saddest thing Eren can remember.

“Hi” Levi says softly when Eren wakes up early in the morning. “How is it today?” He asks.

Sometimes there's little to no pain, those are the good days. Most days he has moderate pain, and those are the bad days, and when Eren has crippling pain, and he can’t walk, those are the worst days.

He’s forgotten some words, and he fucking hates it.

“It’s an okay day” Eren says after a moment. Levi just holds him against his chest and sighs.

***  
It’s an hour or so before they reach the ocean that Eren dies.

It was the worst of the worst days, and before he died he was writing in a journal.

Levi reads over the messy hand writing, it saying; “ _How ironic. I wanted to die but now that the time has come, im scared and not ready to leave._

 _I love you Levi_.”

Levi cries the rest of the way to the ocean and when they reach it, he gets off of the carriage and picks Eren up.

He walks towards the Ocean and walks into it until his boots are covered by the water, looks down at Erens lifeless face.

He bites his own lip to keep a sob in and says “Hey.. Brat, look. We’re finally here.”

He let’s out a cry, can’t hold it anymore and says “Dammit Eren. We were _free_ ”


End file.
